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Thursday, September 22, 2011

2. The Tourist's Prayer

How often on our travels have we seen something which caught our eye, or had a tinge of humour and thought 'That's good. I like that'? And tucked it away in our mind to be brought back later only to realise we can't remember? It's a good idea to make a note of it, or take a photo of it. Below is something I saw in a place somehwere at some point in time which I thought not only very true, but also hilarious in its way - the tourist's prayer. There are a number of versions, all pretty much the same but with a few difference in the wording. Below is my version - I have made it up in a nice picture card and due to the smallness of the writing, have typed it out underneath.
I hope you like it and get a kick out of it as I did.

Heavenly Father look down on us Your humble, obedient tourist servants, who are doomed to travel this earth taking photographs, mailing postcards, buying souvenirs, and walking around in drip-dry underwear.

Give us this day divine guidance in our selection of hotels, that we may find our reservations honoured, the dunnies flush, and hot water running from the taps.
We pray that the telephones work and the operators speak our language.

Lead us dear Lord, to good, cheap restaurants where the food is superb, the waiters friendly, the grog is included in the price and local taxes aren't added on later.

Give us the wisdom to tip correctly in currencies we don't understand. May the locals appreciate us for the good, kind, loving people we are, and not for what they can extract from our purses to add to their worldly goods.

Grant us the strength to visit the museums, the parks, the government buildings, every temple and cathedral known to man and all the "musts" in the guidebooks...And if perchance we skip an historic monument to have forty winks after lunch, forgive us as for our flesh is weak.

Dear God, protect our wives from shopping sprees, "bargains" they don't need, can't afford (and can't fit in their suitcases anyway.) Lead them not into temptation Lord, for they know not what they do.

Almighty Father, keep our husbands from looking at foreign women and comparing them to the vintage domestic model. Save them from making fools of themselves in cafes and night-clubs. Above all, do not forgive them their trespasses for they know exactly what they do.

When our journey is over, grant us the persistence to find someone who will look at all our photos, watch our home videos and listen to our stories, so our lives as tourists will not have been in vain.

This we ask you in the name of Thomas Cook, Conrad Hilton, Mastercard, Visa & American Express.

P.S. I realised after typing it out long hand here that I'd added a bit and forgotten to put it in the "postcard" and when I went to edit said postcard, I couldn't add anything anyway as there wasn't any more room on the "page".